Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize