i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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