VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
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He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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