i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Pooping to opera.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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