I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
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He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
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Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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