I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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