I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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