Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize