I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
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The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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