He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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