You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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