Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize