remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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