im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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