Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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