you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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