Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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