just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
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so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
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I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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