I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
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there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
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I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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