She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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