There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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