I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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