he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
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Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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