and she was petting her beer can
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sorry about my life...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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