What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
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The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
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It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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