It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize