so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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