On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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