WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
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In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
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I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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