peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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