those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize