i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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