I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize