I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
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This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
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I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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