Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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