Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
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So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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