Cold hands, warm shart.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize