I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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