I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
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I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
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Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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