Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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