What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize