sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
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after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
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You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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