He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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