mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
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We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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