about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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