Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Welp...herpes.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
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I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
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Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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