she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
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he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
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If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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