remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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