I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
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She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
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I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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