At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True strength comes from lack of pants
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize